teenagers

As of last month, I am the mother of two teenagers....How did that happen???  Where did the time go??

Looking back, I can see the babies that lit up when mommy walked into the room, the little girls that loved cuddling up with me as I read stories.  The elementary school aged girls that loved to play board games, ride bikes, go to the park......

Now I see two strong, independent people.  Very different people....one is very energetic and always on the move, involved in many activities.  The other is more of a homebody, more artistic and very, very funny. One takes it as it comes and deals with it, the other wants things to be in it's place, wants to know the plan.  Both are very loving, fun kids.

Don't get me wrong...they are teenagers!  We have the dramatic scenes, the meltdowns, the differences of opinion as to whose turn it is to load the dishwasher, vacuum or clean the bathroom, but deep down in the core, they are great teenagers.  Sometimes it is just a little deeper in the core than other times!

I feel very blessed to have such wonderful kids in my life.  It is thanks to all the amazing people that we are lucky enough to be surrounded by.  Love is all around us and I know my girls have the best foundation to go and make the most out of the life that they have.

family connections

My sister just had a baby...a wonderful, chubby, cuddly love that is bringing so much joy to our family.  He is completely perfect.....

My mom just received news that one of her cousins passed away suddenly...as this was the one cousin in that branch of the family that she kept in touch with, it seems to be a bigger ending....

Growing up, there was my mom, my dad, my sister and me.  We moved a province away from our very large extended family when I was 4.  I guess the 1st couple years were hard...I really don't remember, but for my mom and dad it must have been difficult to be away from the support of family and friends and having to start all over with 2 little girls.

I started to notice we came from a big, boisterous family on one visit back...I believe it was for a wedding.  There were lots of people, all talking and laughing.  Everyone seemed to belong.  Very overwhelming for the shy kid in the corner.  I like to sit back and watch people interact....I am not much of a joiner....I am more of an observer.  My sister fit in right away, but try as hard as everyone did, I was much more comfortable in the corner talking to one person at a time.  And they had to come to me...

As I got older, it was a little easier to enter into a conversation...or even start one myself.  I started to learn more about this family that I am a part of....I have a cousin that is shy like me, an aunt that is a wonderful writer, an uncle that kept a picture of me from when I was 3, and everyone loved me. 

Now more of the family has spread out....California, England, Saskatchewan...keeping in touch seems to be more important now, and yet with the way we are all so busy, seems to be one of the hardest things to do.  I guess this is my way of reaching out and letting everyone know how my little part of the family is doing.  I am also very glad for Facebook as I can check in on family and leave a little thinking of you message.  I feel slightly more connected, and as an observer, this is perfect!

Resolutions

I have been thinking these last couple weeks about the custom of making a New Years Resolution.  We have all done it in the past, either quietly to ourselves or shouting from the rooftops, but the hard part is keeping them. 
There are many resolutions that I have made, all with good intentions....I once decided that I would work on my language.  You know, stop swearing so much.  That one lasted till I hit the open road and some @$$ cut me off.  Yep, probably all of 5 minutes.  Then there was the time I decided that I needed to be more organized.  Bought a lovely filing cabinet (the nice looking one, not the cheap metal one) and set it up right by the computer desk so that when I paid my bills (as they arrived) I could file the statements till the next month.  Then I would shred the old statement with that fancy little shredder I just had to buy too.  I now have a filing cabinet that has 2 years worth of paper sitting on top of it and the shredder has lots of statements piled behind it.  For me, that is organized!  I have also done the more traditional resolution of getting in shape.  Joined a gym, started walking, bought new runners, the whole shebang.  I went to the gym for approx 3 weeks...got bored.  Walked with my girlfriends for 3 months, but then it was cold one night, raining the next, had to be somewhere the night after...oh look, I haven't gone for a walk in a month.  Better make myself feel better and have some ice cream!
Which brings me to the eating right and loosing weight resolution.  This is the one that I keep coming back to in  hopes that someday it will stick.  I do try...I have a composter full of veggies that have gone bad because I forget that they are there.  I buy healthy snacks only to head for the hot buttered popcorn and chocolate.  I make sure there are the mixings for smoothies, but that takes time you know....yep, I try.  I'm just not very good at making the healthy choice.  I love fries with gravy, chocolate, deep fried anything!  And I love Cheese....cheese in my soup, cheese melted over tortilla chips with sour cream, cheese in my sauces and, best of all, Cheesecake!!  Mmmmmm....cheesecake with anything! 
So, this year I am going a different route.  I have decided that, yes, I will make a New Years Resolution, only this one will be one that I can stick with....My Resolution this year will be to read at least one book a month!  Yep, that is right....I will read a book a month.  And as I have finished 2 already and have started on my 3rd, I believe that I just might excel at this resolution!

Happy New Year to everyone.

Giving Thanks

Summer is over...long evenings sitting on the beach, picnics, hikes, camping....all memories as life gets back to it's busy pace.  School has started again and the girls are running from one activity to another and I am trying to keep up!

I spent the last week feeling somewhat sorry for myself....not attractive, but there it is!  The girls were at their dads for his week, my parents were off to visit family in Alberta, I was fighting the cold that is going around (haven't quite won that one yet, but neither has the cold!) and looking around at my house thinking "I need a maid!"  Money is feeling tight and Christmas is coming (5 more paychecks)....blah, blah, blah....yep, had myself a good old whine going on.

Then I started getting messages on Facebook....Happy Thanksgiving Everyone!  What are you thankful for?  I am thankful for.......It made me think.   What am I thankful for?  There are so many things in my life that are good, why am I focusing on what makes me feel bad?  so here goes:

I am Thankful for:
 - my wonderful girls who I love so much, am so proud of and are a great pleasure to be around
- my great friends who are there for me, even when I am being a bummer
- my parents who support me in everything that I do and love me anyway
- my sister who is a great friend and understands me as only someone with a shared background can
- my wonderful extended family that I don't get to see enough but know that I love you all
- the fact that I can provide for my family, put a roof over their heads, food in the fridge and send them on the trips that they want to go on
- clean water and healthy living conditions
- a good education
- all the love that is in my life

There is so much more...I could go on for pages, but you get the idea.  I have so much in my life that is good that focusing on the not so good seems silly.  Thanks for the reminder!

Friendships

The subject of friendships has been on my mind lately.  As I look back, I realize how lucky I am to have the people in my life that I do...whether they are still in my life or have moved on, everyone has touched me and helped to shape who I am.

My friendships from childhood are filled with laughter, fun, birthday parties and school drama.  Most of these people have moved on, but I still have contact with some.  One friend always calls when he is in town visiting his family.  We get together and have dinner, talk about the past, catch up on people we still talk to and enjoy each others company.  A couple others have made contact through facebook and being able to see them and catch up on what has happened in their lives is wonderful.  We talk about our kids, our jobs, our homelife, the past, the future.  It is so interesting to me to see the changes from how we were in elementary school to now.  And also how we are so similar to those kids hiding behind the big hill at school.

Once we moved up to Junior Secondary, the classes got bigger from the other schools that fed into the one.  Everyone tended to hang with people of like interests rather than grade group.  Drama kids and band kids.  The ones that joined all the sports teams and then there were the academics.  I was in band, but I mostly just floated through the different groups...I liked meeting people of all different interests.  Mostly because I didn't really specialize in one area, so why limit myself?  There were so many people to meet and I am happy to say that I still have contact with some.  In fact, there were 7 of us that met up a couple weeks ago for dinner and laughs.  We are in so many different stages of our lives.  One has a son ready to graduate, one is trying to get pregnant.  A couple of us are divorced, a couple married, one widowed and some still looking for the right one.  Of that group of 7, there is one friend that I made in my homeroom class in grade 8 that is still a big part of my life today.  We have had times of little contact, and times we lived in each others pockets.  My kids call her Auntie, and she is godmother to my youngest.  I cherish her friendship as I know it will always be there no matter what happens. 

Another school change brought about more changes in the people we chose to call friends.  When we moved up to the Senior Secondary school, all the other Junior Secondary schools in the district fed into it...so we went from a class of just over 100 to over 800 kids.  Quite overwhelming!  I remember walking into my first class and hoping that there would be someone in it that I knew....and there wasn't.  Time to branch out and make some new friends.  I have friendships from the 2 years spent in that school that still mean so much to me.  People that I have totally lost contact with, but still think of and wonder how they are and what is happening in their lives.  Boyfriends that are now married with children, girlfriends that have left to travel the world.  Friends that have gone out and done just what they were meant to do with their lives and some that have passed on.  I send my love, and wish them all a very happy life.

The friendships that I have made once out of high school are varied and interesting.  I have met people through work, church, guiding, neighbours and through other friends.  Each person brings something into my life that I cherish...laughter, wisdom, tears, the ability to call me a dumbass when needed.  They were there to celebrate at my wedding, help with my babies, support me through my divorce, to cheer with me for my kids accomplishments, to go camping with, shopping with, have a tea with, kick my butt and make me go for a walk.  Age doesn't seem to matter as much as it did in school and it shows in the people that I have in my life that I call friend. 

Friendships are important to everyone.  I am lucky to have met many different people that bring many different views and opinions to the table.  I learn from all that I meet and hope that I can offer the same to others.

To everyone that I have had the privilege to call friend, Thank you. 

The Cabin

I think we all have a place somewhere that we go to when we need to recharge. The place where life slows down, we connect with family and friends, enjoy your book while swinging in the hammock under a bright blue sky. My place is my Grandparent's Cabin. This lovely oasis is on the banks of a river and holds many wonderful memories for me of my childhood, my family, my summers. As I sat in my Grandma's swing listening to the river rush by, the kids laughing in the background, the murmur of conversations going on around me, I remembered.

The Cabin
The Cabin is a magical place
somewhere you can just be
To hear the river rushing by
the wind blowing through the trees
Many memories come piling back
of being young and wild and free
of forts and skits and games we made
of friendships so dear to me.

Now I watch my children
two girls growing so fast
Making brand new memories
precious ones I hope will last
I watch them run and play and swim
so much fun from the past
I love this wonderful, special place
and the Magic it does cast.
Lea Read 2004

My sister and I spent our summers with our grandparents for many years. We had fun going to the Zoo, Heritage Park, Calaway Park, shopping and visiting family and friends. But the highlight of our summer was the trip to the Cabin. We would pack up the old International truck with our supplies for the week, Grandma would pack her picnic basket and we would load up and hit the road. First stop was the ice cream shop for our milkshakes and then...WE WERE THERE! Into the cabin to unpack groceries and clean out the cobwebs before we could go and explore. You could feel us straining to get out and check the "big rock", the island, the spring...would it be the same as last year? Freedom....we could taste it!

I think it was the best week of the summer for me. Our cousins would come out and join us and we would play make believe, build forts, ride bikes, tell stories and have campfires. We earned our keep...we helped get firewood from up the hill, did dishes, picked blueberries, caught fish and helped in the garden. We would make homemade ice cream with an old wooden crank style ice cream maker and roast marshmallows over the fire. We had our entertainment night where the kids performed for the adults. Everything from air bands to Goldilocks and the Three Bears, audience participation to singing songs. The week flew by. And you know what...we didn't even miss the TV.

Things have changed at the Cabin...there has been a bedroom added on, a shower, the garden is not planted, the old Tote Gote doesn't run, the trail to the "big rock" has changed course due to a major flood and the island is getting smaller each year. The biggest change for me this year was that my Grandma wasn't there....this was the first time I have been back since she passed 3 years ago. I miss her very much and everywhere I went I saw her, heard her, smelled her. She was a major influence in my life, teaching me about honesty, trust, love and family. She loved me unconditionally just as I loved her. I know she was there watching over the family and laughing at the kids doing Cinderella for the adults, enjoying the stories we told, making sure we cleaned the kitchen properly and loving us all unconditionally.

things I learned at Ranger camp

I just spent my weekend with some wonderful kids....and they weren't even mine!

I was asked to fill in at a camp for the Ranger group. One of the girls works with me in my Guide unit and so when it came up that they needed another responsible adult to come along to camp....they asked me? Really??? They did say responsible right??? To be honest, there is so much going on right now that I did try and get out of it. I am so glad that they couldn't find someone else...I had so much fun and learned so much from these girls.

I had met the Ranger leader a few times and had talked to her casually, but I was wondering how we would get along. I mean, she is so much younger than me! Closer in age to the Rangers than to me. How would we relate? It seems that I worried for nothing. She is a wonderful person and so good with the girls. She brings out wonderful qualities in all the girls and the conversations that we all had were insightful, at times crazy, and full of laughter. The girls really respect her and feel very comfortable being themselves in her presence. They will miss her terribly next year as she will not be back due to school and work...and maybe a special someone in Vancouver?!

Of the three Rangers on this trip, I had two of them in my Guide unit. However, they change so much from 12 to 17 that they are hard to recognize as those girls. The one girl helps in our unit is very responsible and together. This girl has plans and nothing is going to stop her. I so admire her determination and resourcefulness. She is the leader of the girls and totally pulled this camp together with help from the others. Her younger sister is the other girl I had in my unit. She will be the first to tell you that she has become a beautiful young woman...and she would be right, inside and out. She is full of fun and mischeviousness and can make me laugh till Shirley Temples come out my nose. We made a great team playing Buzz Word and Scrabble...cause we are so SMRT!! The last girl was one that I had met occassionally at different Guiding events. She is a little quieter than the other two, but so very friendly and warm that it doesn't take long to feel comfortable in her company. We spent a quiet hour as she studied for her final exams, and I read my book in the sun. It felt effortless to move into board games and laughter from this quiet time without any awkwardness or shyness involved.

These four young women are wonderful examples of our youth today. Each of these girls have goals, values, and a sense of fun that I want my own children to emulate. I only hope that when I grow up that I can be like them too.